I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
