Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
