I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
