She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
