honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
