I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
