What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
