hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
