fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
