He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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