it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
someone owes me an orgasm
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
