If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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