Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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