so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
