I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
