I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
