when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
