Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
