We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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