And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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