I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
