I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
