I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
