Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
