no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ruined the universe
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
