Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
