I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
