...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
