You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
