Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
