just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
