i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
