Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
