Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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