We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
