YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
