i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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