It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
