maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
