Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
