ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
