He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
