Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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