is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
