I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
