look no pants
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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