I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
