accomplished twins. life is a go
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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