As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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