I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
two words: eviction party
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
